humor

A tip of the biretta to Dennis over at Of Course I Could Be On Vacation for these two items:

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Half way.

A pantheist: someone who worships God in the kitchen.

An Arkansas State Trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He asked the driver, "Got any ID? The driver replied, "'Bout what?"

There was one a dromedary whose fur was an amazingly close match in color to the desert sand, and he was almost impossible to see. Some called him 'the invisible dromedary', but in reality he wasn't invisible; he was just really well camel-flaged.

The health spa hired a church-going parasite to keep tabs on their clients. The whole ordeal was quite thorough pew tic.

A man bought a cattle ranch for his sons and named it the 'Focus Ranch' because it was where the sons raise meat.

The zoo wanted to hire the truck driver to haul the sick African Antelopes to the veterinarian. He declined. He didn't want to be the bearer of bad gnus.

and finally, an exchange between Groucho Marx and Margaret Dumont in Animal Crackers (1930):

Explorer: Then one afternoon I bagged six tigers. Six of the biggest tigers I ever saw.
Hostess: You captured six tigers?
Explorer: I bagged them. I bagged them and bagged them to go away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I ever saw.

and

The collective terms for some groups can be fun to think about. My favorite is "a murder of crows." But smart minds out there have added a few new ones. Enjoy!

a clutch of mechanics
a clique of photographers
a barf of bulimics (sorry, I know.)
a surfeit of spammers
a blather of bloggers
a contingent of understudies
a flight of runaway brides
a Covey of highly effective people
a pinch of shoplifters
a stupor of television viewers

Any others out there?