word play

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

 Scroll down to check out some winners. The English language needs this...

 Here are the winners:

 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

 3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

 12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

 13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

18) lubrican n. 1) balm used in lieu of flowers, jewelry, fine dinin. 2) scoring a run without lifting a bat. 3) antonymn of lubricant.

 The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

 And the winners are:

 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

 4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

 6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Who needs God?

A great joke from Robin.

One day a group of atheists got together and decided that humans had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked a spokesman to go and tell God that he was no longer needed.
The spokesman walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that you’re no longer needed. We’re to the point that we can synthesis new elements, we can create the building blocks of life in a test tube, we can clone sheep and soon we will be able to clone people. There’s no end to the miraculous things we can do. You’ve become irrelevant.” 
God listened patiently. After the spokesman finished talking, God said, “Very well! How about this? Let’s have a person-making contest.” To which the spokesman replied, “OK, great!”
But God added, “Now we’re going to do this the old fashion way, just as I did it originally.”
The spokesman said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed a handful of dirt.
God smiled and said, “No, no, no . . . You get your own dirt!”

a bit of humor

I laughed so hard I was crying!

a rather cute kitten

humor

Thanks to The Rev. Bosco Peters for this bit of humor!



A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town’s annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter.

“This baked ham is really delicious,” the priest teased the rabbi. “You really ought to try it. I know it’s against your religion, but I can’t understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don’t know what you’re missing. You just haven’t lived until you’ve tried Mrs. Hall’s prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?”

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, “At your wedding.”

Herding Cats

Some nice humor for today. A tip of the biretta to Andrew+ for this gem.

Athiest Sunday school

Check out Dave Walker's cartoon.

Why homosexuality should be banned

Search for the historical Jesus

At least, the historical Jesus has been discovered!

THEOLOGICAL DEBATE

Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus.
Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated debate
on this subject.  One by one, they offered their evidence.............

THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN:

1.   His first name was Jesus

2.   He was bilingual

3.   He was always being harassed by the authorities

But then there were equally good arguments that.....

    JESUS WAS BLACK

1.   He called everybody "brother"

2.   He liked Gospel

3.   He couldn't get a fair trial

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

    JESUS WAS JEWISH

1.   He went into His Father's business

2.   He lived at home until he was 33

3.   He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother
    was sure he was God

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

    JESUS WAS ITALIAN

1.   He talked with his hands

2.   He had wine with every meal

3.   He used olive oil

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

    JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN

1.   He never cut his hair

2.   He walked around barefoot

3.   He started a new religion

But then there were equally good arguments that.......

    JESUS WAS IRISH

1.   He never got married

2.   He was always telling stories

3.   He loved green pastures

But perhaps the most compelling  evidence .........

    THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN .....

1.   He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when
    there was no food

2.   He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch
    of men who JUST DIDN'T GET IT

3.   Even when He was dead, He had to get up because
    there was more work for him to do.

Man I need a dog!

puppy sleeping

This is just so cute!!!!

talking dogs

Now these dogs are great!

I know my rights

Vulgarity warning continued.

This guy Steve it just too funny!

I know my rights

OK, a vulgarity warning. I usually try to avoid vulgarity on this blog. But this was so funny I nearly feel off my chair.

Animals

Well I think it is a well established fact that I simply cannot resist posting animal videos here. I'm sure it will be getting even worse now that I'm bereft of pets at my house.

God hates shrimp

Check out this web site.

Father Guido Sarducci's Five Minute University

I'm posting this just for my Greek tutor!

dog tired

This is so cute!

Puppy Dish Nap

humor

You have to play this clip. You will not be disappointed (unless it doesn't work). Thanks to my Mom for sending this to me (she likes to reward me when I post a sermon).

humor for today

Thanks to my Mom for this one:

A man was driving down the street in a lather because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking space, I promise to go to church every Sunday for the rest of my life and to give up swearing" Miraculously, a spot opened right in front of the building. The man looked up and said, "Never mind. I found one"