Budens to bear

About three weeks ago I wrote about a transformation in my life. Emmanuel had brought a wonderful new gift into our lives, a gift which I had fought and was not to happy about. But it was a gift that transformed my life in a very short time. The gift was a beautiful girl, Emma. Emmanuel was her foster father and it was hoped that due to her background Emmanuel would be able to adopt her. We have now found out that it is very likely she will be placed in another home sometime this summer. So barring a miracle, it is likely we will lose those wonderful presence in our lives. Please pray for us and Emma. We trust in God and know that God is watching over Emma. But the thought of losing her breaks our hearts.

The Face of Transformation

There is a new voice in my house. I can't understand it, but I do hear it. It is the voice of a new born baby, Emma. Emma is Emmanuel's foster daughter and she is an angel here on earth (of course I'm sure everyone says that about every baby).

Emma has brought about an amazing transformation in the house. Things are changed, new stuff is around and there is a new center of attention (much to the dismay of Mac, Seamus, and Darby the resident dogs and for many years the babies).

To be honest, I was no more thrilled than the dogs when this transformation began. It meant an end to my life as I though I knew it. It meant more than just transformation around the house, it meant a personal transformation as well.

And then a God thing happened. I ended up in the middle of a personal and professional crisis. Once which stuck me to the core. And so as I am adapting to the transformation of the home and a new baby, I had to take stock of my life and finally realize, once and for all, that I did not have it as "all together" as I have tried to convince myself and others for so very many years. It has been a humbling and growing experience, one in which I'm still in the middle of.

And yet, in spite of the unknowns and the unsettledness of my life, when I hold Emma in my arms and look at her beautiful face, and hear her voice cooing along, I know that all well be well. Just as I love and cherish Emma in my life now, I know that God, in spite of my short comings and sins loves me as well. And God holds me in her arms as well. Tenderly caring for me and encouraging me.

Thanks be to God for that.