Tuesday, September 09, 2008

You might be an Episcopalian if...

I tip of the biretta to David over at Of Course I Could Be On Vacation for this:


. . . if when you watch Star Wars and they say "May the force be with you", you automatically reply "And also with you".

. . .if the only good reason to raise your hand during a hymn is to question the organist's re-harmonization.

. . . if someone says, "Let us pray" and you automatically hit your knees.

. . . if you recognize your neighbor, or rector, in the local liquor store and go over to greet him/her.

. . . if you have totally memorized Rite I, Rite II and the first three episodes of The Vicar of Dibley.

. . . if you know the difference between a surplice and a cotta - and the appropriate use of each.

. . . if hearing people pray in the language of "jesuswejus" makes you want to scream.

. . . if you might be an Episcopalian if words like: "vouchsafe", "oblation", "supplications", "succor", "bewail", "wherefore", "dost" and "very" (in its archaic sense) are familiar to you even if you don't have a clue that they mean.

. . .if your groomsmen at your wedding whisper "with God's help" to you during your vows after you say "I will".

. . . if the sight of a woman in a clerical collar seems perfectly normal.

. . . if you can rattle off such tongue twisters like: ". . . who made there by his one oblation of himself once offered a full and perfect sacrifice, oblation and satisfaction for the sins of the world" and "Wherefore, O, Lord and Heavenly Father, we thy people, do celebrate and make here, with these gifts which we offer unto thee, the memorial thy Son hath commanded us to make . . ." without missing a beat.

. . .if you think that the Bible is a holy book because it quotes the Book of Common Prayer so well.

. . . if while looking for a can opener in the church kitchen, all you can find are four corkscrews.

. . . if your choir director suggests discussing something over a beer after choir rehearsal.

. . . if you catch yourself genuflecting or bowing as you enter a row of seats in a theater.

. . . if when you visit any Protestant church you ask, "where are the kneelers?"

. . . or, "where is the altar?!"

. . . if you can pronounce "innumerable benefits procured unto us by the same."

. . . if the word "Sewanee" puts a lump in your throat.

. . . if you know the best way to quiet a room full of them: "The Lord be with you!"

. . . if you ever find yourself saying, "Oh, but we've never done it that way before."

. . . if, when visiting a Catholic Church, you are the only Ah-men amongst a sea of A-mens.

. . . if your covered dish for the potluck dinner is escargot in puff shells.

. . .if you know that a primate isn't just a monkey.

. . . if you know that a sursum corda is not a surgical procedure.

. . . if you don't think Agnus Dei is a woman.

. . . if your picnic basket has sterling knives and forks (entree, fish, salad and cake).

. . . if you know how to finish the phrase "and I will raaaaise them up, and I will raaaaise them up..."

. . . if you know that the nave is not a playing card.

. . . if your friend said "I'm truly sorry. . ." and you replied, "and you humbly repent?"

. . . if you consider a sticker on your car to be an outward and visible sign of an inward and spiritual grace.

. . . if you know that "humble access" has nothing to do with a security clearance.

. . . if while watching the movie "The Madness of King George" you're able to recite with the King, when he undergoes "surgery," the Collect for Purity.

. . . if you know that the Senior Warden and the Junior Warden are not positions in the local prison.

And finally,

. . . if you reach a point when you're not sure about anything theologically but you still feel completely at home at the altar rail and somehow know you're meeting God there, even though you can't begin to understand how.

1 comment:

Kirkepiscatoid said...

or my favorite...

...if the church was on fire, you'd rush in and save the coffee pot.